‘To Me, You Are a Work of Art’ – 1st Draft Script for Performance (2012)

Original (sadly unperformed) Woody Allen inspired script for (((echo))) performance:

”Professor. Von Neumann”

”I’m astounded by people who want to ‘know’ the universe when it’s so hard to find your way around an art gallery. I had a friend who went to study cosmology at University. He wanted to discover far distant planets, full of unusual life (Intelligent life is just a pipe dream for the budding cosmologist, so he tells me) I wanted him to stay, to not go to University or outer space.  I took him to an art gallery instead. There was still no intelligent life to be found, but it did look very good.

You know, life is a pretty tough deal when you think about it. We really didn’t cut out a good deal with our maker, the astrophysicist’s peer review journal. There has been 13.7 billion years of time so far, and we’re here for a blink of an eye, and then to add insult to injury there will be another 15 billion and then that’s it. The problem is not that the portions are too small and the meal is over to quickly but rather you have to wait an eternity to be seated and then all you get is a night of bad indigestion afterwards.

It seems a shame therefore in such a small time we have that we must split people, like atoms, in two camps: the good and bad people. Being bad gives you an eternity of bad indigestion in the after life, whilst being good means you can’t really enjoy your waking hours as much. It does mean the good get to sleep better though. A bad conscience is the worst.

Death should not be seen as the end, but as a very effective way to cut down expenses especially in these strained economic times. Creating an art object means you can make something to out-live you. Art helps you cheat death. And is an excellent way to cut down on expenses in the public sector in these times of financial cut-backs.

The art object cannot obtain immorality on It’s own. It’s reliant on the art handler not to drop it.

I now invite you all to take a moment of reflection upon the generic and specific art object. This has been pretty intense for me. Therefore, the years of training and conditioning both the art object and the viewer must go through to appreciate what art can be are tested here. I invite you to step into your own private space, as I shall now go into mine. Please take a moment of silence before we finish here to consider the art object in a private space.”


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